Resemblance

Children consciously or unconsciously pick up the behaviour styles of their parents,close relatives, peers or teachers.However the major influence is that of their parents who guide & mould them right from infancy. It is from their parents that they learn what is right or wrong.They learn to speak sweetly or rudely, softly or loudly.Whether they respond to viitors/guests, warmly or otherwise would depend on what they picked up from their parents.

Interestingly, I have noticed during my experience in industry for over three decades that employees exhibit work behaviour that they have picked up from  persons who were their bosses in the initial years of their career. Later bosses also have an influence but the single most powerful influence is that of the first boss. If an employee is open to suggestions, consults others  and is  inclusive in his or her behaviour, it would tell more about the boss with whom he/she cut the first teeth.Fingers point in the same direction if the employee is brash,impatient or tends to engage in power politics.

The manager/boss/leader is likely to have a contribution in  an  employee exuding confidence, being willing to accept feedback for improvement without being defensive and being  proactive in approach.Conversely,the influence of the boss could be seen when an employee tends to blame others for his mistakes,tries to save his own skin instead of going in to the details to solve the problem that has come up in collaboration with others.

The tendency of the juniors to pick up work practices of the bosses is all the more, if the boss has been acknowledged as "Successful" in the corporate parlance- frequently credited with achievement of milestones and regular, quick movement up the corporate ladder.Corporates have generally been concerned mainly about the ends rather than the means to an end.Therefore it is possible that quite a few of those exhibiting poor interpersonal or ethical behaviour could be adorning senior level positions.

The juniors then conclude that  rude, brash, manipulative individuals have become successful  because of these qualities that they frequently exhibit and that this is worth emulating. Marshall Goldsmith in his book "What got you here won't get you there" points out that that these people have become successful not because of the said behaviour patterns  but the success is in spite of such behaviour.In fact if they can correct these flaws, they can become even more successful.

The purpose of this post is to draw attention to the phenomenon of our behavioural styles as leaders  impacting not just us or even one generation of employees.It gets passed on a long way in to the future with rippling effect.Hence the onus is on us in leadership positions to exhibit behaviour that is civil, ethical and harmonious, Seen this way, being a role model is not another empty rhetoric but a real and  live aspect that influences work culture in our organizations for many years to come.

What should Come From Within

How to win friends & influence people?, a world famous book by Dale Carnegie gives tips on the subject which include addressing people frequently by their first name which according to the author is the sweetest sound  to the ears of the listener.Another tip is to smile often. The general advice in such self help books is to 'fake it till you make it'. Often times these methods seem to work.

But for me personally, a marketing person who telephones me and repeats my name every second  as a business ploy, tends to put me off rather than have the effect of my  warming  up to him. In another post ,in this very blog we had discussed the importance of "civility" and how incivil  behaviour in the form of  rudeness, complacency etc can prove to be costly to the organization reflected in loss of customers,loss of productivity or attrition among employees

Be that as it may, we may end up doing more harm than good  if we were to resort to the traditional command & control style for ensuring every one behave in a "Civil" manner by declaring desirable behaviour and punishing the deviants. As for example let us take a situation where management believes that supervisors and managers are not exhibiting sufficient care towards team members. HR decides to keep tab  in respect of each supervisor as to whether desirable behaviour is being  practiced with the help of  the following record:-

1) How many times does  the manager/ supervisor smile in a day?

(a) 10 or more   (b)  7 to 9   (c)  3 to 6  (d) 1 to 2  (e)  0 

2)   How many of his team members' homes, does he visit in the weekend in a month?

(a)    4       (b) 3    (c)   1-2   (d)   0

3)   How often does he have lunch with team members

   (a)  everyday   (b)  Most days   (c)   once in a while (d) never

Such an exercise would only generate plastic smiles that do not reach the eyes of people and an activity such as home visit would be carried out by just going through the motions with the spirit missing.  Similarly lunch everyday with the boss could mean the team losing its space and denied the little time when he/she  would have loved to mad mouth the boss once in a while.

To my mind life including life in the corporate world become smoother if all of us worked at the basics ourselves without external arm twisting, and allow our  natural positive feelings to spring forth.This would mean genuinely  desiring to meet the real needs of a customer & not focus merely on making a sale. For example if a customer ,given the size of his living room & number of members at home, wishes to buy a medium sized TV, the sales person facilitates the process and guides him to purchase the best product in the segment instead of brainwashing him into buying a large expensive TV with a lot of additional features that he doesn't need.In such a scenario the grateful,  genuine warmth that the customer feels remains with him long after the sale and he would only be happy to come back when he is ready for a higher end version or other products sold by the firm.

Similarly the more natural and genuine the feelings employees have for their colleagues and team members , better the chance of of good working relationships in the long run.Yes, some things have to come from within.It is futile to impose it from the outside. What we can actually do is to educate and create a climate for practicing the desirable behaviour we are seeking, For this as a management, we need to think always of the welfare of our customers, employees and other stake holders and not look at it short term as advantageous to business.

Knowledge Sharing Sessions

The Learning & Development department of our company organizes short two hour Knowledge sharing sessions (KSS) once or twice in a month for the benefit of employees by inviting both external & internal speakers to share their thoughts. It is purely voluntary and those interested attend with the clearance of their team leaders.Various  subjects  are discussed from the Auto Expo(information on  what transpired in the expo where major car manufacturers exhibit their latest & futuristic products) to leadership to health and personal finance, anything of relevance & interest to employees.
I am sharing here the gist of one such KSS by a reputed trainer Mr T.V.Shivakumar at our L&D center,some time back which  was well appreciated by the participants.

The talk was based on the work of Mr Albert Ellis , the founder of Rational Emotive Behavioural therapy (REBT).According to this concept we all can naturally be happy but for the fact that we sabotage it by wrong thinking patterns/ core beliefs.
These core beliefs generally prevalent in society are:
1) I must
2) You or they must
3) Society must

Such beliefs tend to get converted into statements such as "I must be perfect." "I must always be punctual" "I must get this promotion" "I must get the first rank in SSLC"

" They (My colleagues in office) should be friendly & cooperative"
"They must understand me & my difficulties/priorites"
" You(wife) must serve me bed cofee everyday"

"Society must treat everyone as equal"
"Society must respect me in all social situations"
"Environment should be congenial"
"There should be no pollution on the roads"

The problem with having such core beliefs is that when any of these things do not happen we tend to become upset & unhappy. So if you don't get the first rank you go to pieces; unable to face the comments of others,youcommit suicide.Merely by having a shift in perspective ie by replacing "Must" with "Prefer" you release pressure and regain the opportunity to be happy. Thus I would 'prefer' my subordinates to be punctual but if one of them is regularly irregular I do not allow that to upset my state of happiness.

This approach is releasing in the sense we acknowledge that all of the times others, society or nature cannot be expected to behave the way we want.This gives us a certain flexibility & acceptance of situation & people.
In conclusion, the gist of the KSS was that happiness is our birthright and with a little change in perception we can claim easily what is rightfully ours.
The talk of Mr shivakumar was laced with humorous stories and time (of one and half hours) simply flew for the participants in his presence.

The aim of this post is not only to share with readers an insightful subject but also get them interested in arranging such sessions in their organizations.